Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
