It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
