I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
