There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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