Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
