You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
