i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
