just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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