i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
