I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
