They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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