I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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