so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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