failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
