What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I got inside last night via doggy door
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
