chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my phone needs a breathalizer
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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