my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The feeling are messing with the penis
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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