Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I just put wine in my tea
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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