I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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