I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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