My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
