nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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