Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
