can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
