I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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