You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do vagina's smell?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
