I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
