i barfeds in our rink
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
