I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
