I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
