The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
