he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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