Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
