so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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