Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
