He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
