its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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