I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
