He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The power of my boobs compel you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
