Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
