Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
