We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sorry about my life...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
