Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
