True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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