sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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