There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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