I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
