it was like fucking gandolphs beard
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
