those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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