absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I can't turn off my feet"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
