i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
