I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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