The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
